The mentorship trap: when “go do whatever you want” isn’t helpful
“Just do what you want. It’s up to you.”
That sounds like empowerment. But in the wrong context? It’s actually a trap.
In a coaching conversation last month, someone asked their leader what it would take to be promoted. The response?
“You can do whatever you want.”
Supportive? Maybe. Useful? Not really.
Here’s why that kind of vague encouragement can backfire:
It puts all the burden on the employee to define success - with zero guidance.
It creates ambiguity about what the company actually values.
It can feel like freedom, but function like neglect.
Mentorship is valuable - but it’s not enough. Especially when you’re navigating growth in a system with expectations, metrics, and unspoken rules.
What you really need is a clear framework. A way to align personal ambition with organizational need.
So the next time someone says “do what you want,” try this instead:
“Thanks and I’d love to explore that. Can I ask you 3 specific questions to better understand what’s possible and what success would look like here?”
This shifts the conversation from vague to valuable - and positions you as someone ready to grow with intention.
Bonus: Ask SMART Questions
When you're seeking clarity from your leader, don’t just ask if there’s a path forward - ask how.
Here’s how to apply the SMART framework (usually used for goals) to the questions you ask:
Specific “What skills or behaviors would I need to demonstrate consistently to be considered for a promotion?”
Measurable “How will success in this next role be evaluated?”
Achievable “Given my current responsibilities, what’s one strategic project I could lead to showcase readiness?”
Relevant “What organizational priorities would I need to align with to make an impact in this role?”
Time-bound “What’s a realistic timeline to grow into this position, and what milestones would we track?”
SMART questions not only give you clarity, they also signal to your leader that you’re serious, focused, and thinking systemically.
Reflection Prompt:
Where are you waiting for someone else to define your next step?
What would asking one SMART question unlock for you this week?
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My best, always,
Shar
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